Find Your Lighthouse

There is more than one way through pain

By Jen Uschold, PT, Fellow of Pain Science

Ever been told to "just take the first step"?

Sure. Easy.

Until you're the one standing on a rocky shoreline, in pain that's been around for years, overwhelmed, desperately trying to figure out WHICH step.

Out in the distance, there's a lighthouse. Its beam sweeps across the water. Disappears. Comes back. It gives you direction. It gives you hope. This is you taking your life back from pain.

What it does not give you is a path, and certainly not a rigid one.

Between you and that light (your goals, your life) are rocks of every shape and size. Sand. Tide pools. Seaweed. Waves that sometimes are there to help you and other times have zero interest in your plan. It might even feel like they're pushing you backwards on purpose.

They're not. They're just waves.

I know. It's a lot.

The map you were handed

Somewhere along the way, someone hands you a map. Metaphorically, figuratively, or literally.

Do this exercise. Skip that movement. Get stronger first. Lose weight first. Sit up straighter. Think positive. Calm down. Push through.

It seems never ending, doesn't it?

Some of those ideas can help some people at some points. Often they help many people. However, the order in which they help and the ways in which they help are unique. I've watched this happen for 35 years.

None of them is THE rock everyone has to step on.

Here's the sneaky part. When you believe there's only one right rock, every wobble starts to feel like proof that you're stuck.

You're not stuck. You've been handed a map with one route on it that wasn't designed for you.

There is no single next step.

No single right rock

Picture you and me on that shoreline. We're both headed for the same lighthouse: our goals, our life. Same destination, and yet we can take completely different routes.

You step onto the biggest rock because you like big rocks that are smooth and flat. I hop across three smaller ones because I've got a little more energy to jump around. You go barefoot because you like to feel the ground. I wear shoes because I don't like the feel of sand or getting wet. I hug the shore. You wade through the water because you love that cool feeling on your feet. I move fast. You pause, look around, let the wave pass, and start again.

Who's right?

We both are.

Your path is allowed to change

The route that works today may not be the route you need next month. A rock that felt steady might get slippery. A stretch of water that looked scary starts to feel inviting. The shoes that protected your feet might now be the very thing keeping you from feeling where you're stepping. You get to take them off. You get to put them back on later.

This is absolutely not failure. This is you being flexible and adapting as your world changes.

And yes, some days the lighthouse looks farther away than it did yesterday.

UGH.

Here's where the science helps. A loud, painful day is like an alarm going off for a leaf hitting your window, not a brick. Please remember: hurt doesn't equal harm. Stepping sideways, or heading back to shore before choosing a new route, does not erase how far you've come.

Here's what I wish everyone knew

Chronic pain does not mean permanent pain.

Your nervous system is resilient, and it can learn. It has been learning this whole time, and it can lean into something new. Sometimes that feels a little scary. That's normal.

Safety, movement, sleep, connection, nutrition, stress management, laughter, and meaning all get a say. They're all part of your path. The mix that helps you will be personal, and it will change as you change.

Within all of those choices, there are three rocks that science shows can help people on any path:

• Education. Understanding what pain really is, so your brain and nervous system feel less threatened. A safer nervous system turns the volume down.
• Movement. In doses that create safety. Then we nudge a little more, and a little more.
• Powering down the nervous system. Rest, breath, connection, and laughter. Yeah, laughter counts.

And here's the cool thing. These three rocks are interconnected, and the way they fit together is unique to YOU.

You get to choose where you start. Which rocks. Which path through the sand. How deep to wade into the water. You can even skip a rock and come back to it later.

The lighthouse is a guide, not a demand

Maybe your lighthouse is walking the dog again. Sleeping through the night. Sitting on the floor with your grandchild. Working in the garden. Dancing with your best friend. Hiking the trails. Continuing the job you love. Making plans without pain weighing in on every decision.

The light gives you something to move toward. It does not dictate every step.

Stop checking everyone else's route

I get it. You glance over, and maybe they're moving faster. They picked the rock you were scared to try. Their pain seems to be improving while yours is super LOUD today.

Their route is not a measurement of your progress.

You don't see what else is happening in their life and their journey, just as they don't see what's happening in yours. Your history, health, nervous system, responsibilities, family, kids, job, challenges, fears, strengths, and goals all came to the shoreline with you.

What feels brave for them may feel unrealistic for you today. That's okay. What matters is finding the next step that's best for YOU.

Choose the next workable step

You don't need to see the whole route. You just need to see enough light to take the next step, whatever direction it points.

Maybe it's two minutes of movement instead of twenty.

Maybe it's asking a different question. Rather than focusing on the pain, ask what could move you toward the lighthouse.

Maybe it's something you stopped doing, brought back in a small, safe way.

Maybe it's rest.

Maybe it's a good belly laugh.

Maybe it's someone walking beside you while you decide what feels possible: a rock, the water, or a stroll through the sand.

Small is not meaningless. Different is not wrong. Slower is not failing.

It's the opposite. Small is progress that doesn't send you backwards. Different is choosing what's best for you, not someone else. Slower may be exactly what your nervous system needs right now, and there may come a day when it's ready to go faster.

Keep the lighthouse in view. Let it point the way. Then I invite you to give yourself permission to find your OWN way across the shoreline.

Pain does not get the final word, and there is more than one way forward.

You don't have to cross the rocks alone. Pain Is No Joke™ pairs real pain science with movement, connection, and laughter. Come walk with us. Learn, Laugh, Live. Visit painisnojoke.com